MEN’S HEALTH RULES
With our grocery basket, even banal sex with two women will bring you almost as much pleasure as football.
Avicenna also claimed (if not, Hippocrates wrote about it anyway): the state of a person, both moral and physical, depends mainly on what he eats. Of course, the ancients could not take into account all the problems of modernity. Dumplings cannot help to bring back your wife who left you, and canned peaches cannot save you from monthly loan payments. But there are some things that food can help you with. Take sex, for instance.
There are products guaranteed to improve it. And not without the help of nutritionists, we have compiled lists of these miraculous medicines for you. One is for strengthening an erection, another is for brighter orgasms, and so on. All you need now is not to lose the secret lists on the way to the supermarket!
- For an erection
► Tomatoes, watermelon
Any red fruits and vegetables not only provide food for jokes about colorblind people but also indicate the carotenoid lycopene in the product. This substance participates in the process of photosynthesis and helps plants to transfer oxygen from one corner of the tomato to another. Once in the body, lycopene cleanses the blood of excess fats and free radicals and makes it flow more abundantly to different remote parts of your body. And if some earlobes are neither hot nor cold from it, the penis will immediately cease to be sluggish and lifeless.
When you can eat
Every day. Or at least 3 hours before sex, if you cannot afford tomatoes regularly.
► Whole-grain bread, lamb rack, seafood
To achieve truly sustainable results, you need iron in addition to lycopene. It participates in the enrichment of blood with oxygen and is consumed during erection. If you do not create a strategic reserve of this substance in the body in time, the erection will escape as soon as it appears. So, we recommend you lean on iron-rich seafood, whole-grain bread (it is easy to distinguish it from the usual one: it is tasteless), and meat. If there is no lamb, take a veal kidney or chicken hearts. They are also champions in iron content.
When you can eat
Again, every day. Or at least for a week before sex, if you can predict it in your life with such accuracy.
► Eggs
There is a little iron in the eggs. Chicken eggs (just in case we specify). But in your situation, you also need vitamin A, which is also there. You need at least 2 mg of it, otherwise, iron will be poorly absorbed, and just as much vitamin A is contained in the yolks. And, lycopene needs protein because it dissolves better in animal fats.
When you can eat: 6-12 hours before sex.
Sex and alcohol
Two more joys that are nice to mix if you know the right proportions.
Beer
It is known that it gives semen a musty and bitter taste. But firstly, it is not for you to taste it. And secondly, beer stretches the walls of the bladder and begins to put pressure on the prostate and small pelvic muscles, which enhances the sensations during orgasm.
Bloody Mary
Tomato juice contains lycopene for erection, and a small amount of ethyl alcohol has a disinhibiting effect on the peripheral nervous system. If you do not overdo it, you can enjoy even foreplay!
Mezcal
A real mezcal has a coral–colored caterpillar, and the powder from the creature is applied as a seasoning to the bottle. Goose meat contains so much selenium, zinc, and proteins that one caterpillar can boost your libido no worse than a dozen oysters. But beware of fakes! White caterpillars, which are put in cheap mezcal, do not have such an effect.
- For intense orgasm
► Dried dates, roasted peanuts
With these products, your orgasms will become almost as intense as you imagined them when you were still a virgin! Two factors are responsible for the brightness of your emotions: the volume of semen and the number of hormones of joy released. A separate list is devoted to the first factor. As for hormones, serotonin, which controls happiness, is formed from the amino acid tryptophan. Niacin is also synthesized from it (friends just call it vitamin B3) – an important substance for metabolism and immunity.
And now – attention: your strange brain seriously considers immunity a more important thing than orgasms! So, if there is not enough niacin, all tryptophan will go into its production, and the hormone of joy will not be produced. There is only one way to fight – to create a supply of niacin so that the diligent organism is calm and turns tryptophan into serotonin. It is not difficult to do: vitamin B3 is full in any food, but especially in peanuts and dates.
When you can eat: At least once a day.
► Beef liver, buckwheat porridge, avocado
Another seemingly modest vitamin, about which you would never think that it could be related to sex— is B5, pantothenic acid. It is involved in the synthesis of neurotransmitters — substances that transmit nerve impulses from the brain to the penis and back (not just to the penis, actually). Other organs also emit them, but we are not interested in their impulses right now. The result of the transmitters’ work is the very “waves of blissful languor” that the authors of erotic stories love (by the way, do not send us stories, we do not publish them).
If there are a lot of transmitters in the body, the orgasm will be experienced not locally, but in a complex way. The brain will understand faster than you are “already end” and will be able to signal relaxation to more muscles. So, lean on buckwheat, fried liver (frozen is more difficult to chew), and avocado. These are reliable, proven sources of pantothenic acid.
When you can eat: A day or two before sex.
► Cottage cheese
Dairy products, primarily cottage cheese, are a source of tryptophan. The same raw material for the production of hormones of joy. If ideological considerations prevent you from consuming cottage cheese (for example, “cottage cheese is rubbish and sour”), lean on turkey meat. It is also rich in tryptophan.
When you can eat: During the week before sex.
- For the first time
► Spaghetti, minced meat
The first sex with a new partner is always exciting. Especially if it happens secretly from your wife. Perhaps the most unpleasant consequence of anxiety is the exhaustion of glucose. Until it comes to sex, your brain, tormented by expectation, will actively spend it. And if it burns all of it, it will give a signal: I’m hungry. Do you know what it is fraught with? The need for food is primary for your body to all others. And if the brain runs out of glucose reserves, you will want to eat instead of having sex.
For you, it is an equivalent replacement, but the girl may be offended and leave. If you do not think to hide her things in advance. Your task is to create a supply of glucose in the stomach. Spaghetti will perfectly cope with this mission. The carbohydrates contained in them are a good source of glucose. And eat pasta with a couple of meatballs so that they split not at once, but gradually. Minced meat does not create heaviness in the stomach and contains thiamine, which promotes slow and full absorption of carbohydrates.
When you can eat: 3-4 hours before sex.
► Bitter chocolate
If the spaghetti is fake and does not work, it’s good to have a supply of something sweet on hand. Chocolate will help to make up for the lack of glucose. And if it is also black (speaking in politically correct language – Afro-chocolate), it will certainly contain caffeine, which will spur the work of all organs at once.
When you can eat: 15-20 minutes before sex.
► Dried almonds, pumpkin seeds, orange juice
It would seem that you have both components of good sex at your disposal (penis and girlfriend), but you are still worried. Let’s not lie to you that it is normal. But one way or another, the amino acid tyrosine will help to cope with anxiety. It is found in almonds and pumpkin seeds, and vitamin C contributes to its better absorption, which is a lot in orange juice.
Just do not pour out the rest of the juice, as usual, when you drink Viagra, but finish the whole glass and send some seeds after you. It is better to take them out of the fruit and dry them in advance, otherwise, the sight of a man gutting a pumpkin in the middle of the night can set a girl up in an ironic way.
When you can eat: 3-4 hours before sex.
What women eat
The majority of respondents (three out of five) admitted that the appearance of food means much more to them than its taste or nutritional value. Fortunately, it is always possible to find a compromise between the type of food and its effect on the female libido. Asparagus is pure zinc inside plus an unambiguous phallic shape. Just don’t try to feed it girl with your hands, otherwise, she may suddenly understand what you are trying to achieve from her.
Celery
It is an ideal vegetable for those who follow the figure. More calories are spent on chewing celery than can be extracted from it. Moreover, it contains zinc, selenium, and isoflavones, the smell of which has an exciting effect on many women.
Sweet red pepper
Although girls do not have a penis (at least, most of them), lycopene can also cause blood flow to the genitals. Slight swelling of the clitoris will inevitably lead the girl to think about sex.
Lula-kebab
Mutton contains iron – for a rush of blood. Moreover, kebab is usually prepared with spices. Coming out with urine, irritate the urethra, comparable to sexual arousal.
Mussels
If they do not have so much zinc but they, unlike oysters, are not only already dead creatures but also give the impression of such. So even the most impressionable girl can eat them.
- For endurance
► Tuna, broccoli
If, after a miserable three hours of non-stop sex, a team of resuscitators carries you out of the bedroom, you lack stamina. Having a less demanding girl is defeatism. It will be much more ambitious to switch to a diet of tuna and broccoli. These products, along with celery, contain a horse dose of selenium, a trace element that, together with iodine, is responsible for the production of thyroid hormones.
Without them, your body will function very badly. For example, the healing of microtrauma will worsen, muscles will lose elasticity, and it will be much more difficult to breathe. However, the need to eat broccoli, which tastes like blue plasticine, can kill a normal man much earlier.
When you can eat: During the week before sex.
► Potatoes, sea kale
And now about iodine, which also affects the production of thyroid hormones. If it seems to you that it will be cheaper to pour a brown solution from a bubble, perhaps, you are right. But firstly, you will look stupid (especially during sex – we checked). And secondly, iodine absorbed from the surface of the body is almost not absorbed by the body. So, eat seaweed and baked potatoes. Or just salt your food not with ordinary salt, as you have done, but with iodized salt.
When you can eat: Every day in small quantities.
► Macadamia nuts, cedar
And finally, the main secret. In Africa, where, by the way, all marathon runners come from, macadamia nuts grow. They contain so much potassium and complexly structured carbohydrates that a regular bag of these nuts can keep you energized for 4-6 hours.
If there is no suitable Africa near your house, you can buy dried macadamia in the store or replace it with domestic analogs – hazelnuts or pine nuts (preferably unpeeled). They are inferior to macadamia in replenishing the energy balance, but they are also good.
When you can eat: An hour and a half before sex.
- To increase the volume of semen
Combo meals
Restaurant food, despite its appearance and convenience in preparation, is still not perfect.
Sushi
No matter how useful seafood is, there are quite a few of them here. The main thing in sushi is useless (from the point of view of sex) rice. And in a Japanese restaurant with its dislike of ketchup, you will not get enough lycopene.
Steak with a side dish
If you take veal or lamb instead of the usual pork, and grilled vegetables as a side dish, it will be quite passable. Just don’t overdo it with the portion size. A half-kilo steak will create unnecessary heaviness in the stomach.
Pizza
The only good thing is tomato sauce, which your erection will surely appreciate. The stuffing is worse: even fried seafood loses some of its useful properties, not to mention sausage and cheese.
Cutlets with mashed potatoes
Oh, and how did this dish get here from the diet of married men? Okay, let’s write: generally, it is useless and greasy, despite the iron and iodine. However, if you are already married, why improve sex?
► Mussels, cheese with blue mold, soybeans, spinach
Ordinary men’s magazines will assure you that the amount of semen is a quantity that does not affect the quality of sex. It is hypocrisy. The more semen is pumped at the moment of orgasm through your urethra, the more intense the pleasure. And generally, there are so few measurable quantities in a man’s life that you can measure with friends that each of them is worth chasing. To increase the “exhaust”, lean on products with zinc.
Large doses of this metal are contained in galvanized buckets. But for obvious reasons, we suggest you consume mussels and cheeses with blue mold (gorgonzola, Roquefort, door blue). As they contain not only zinc but also protein. Zinc will contribute to an increase in the volume of seminal fluid, and protein will serve as a good filler for semen. If it’s hard for you to chew mussels without a side dish (for example, some people don’t like that they are grinding on their teeth and this sound is similar to cries for help), you can put some soybeans and spinach on a plate. There’s a lot of zinc there too.
When you can eat: 4-6 hours before sex.
► Semolina, sago
As for semolina and sago, official science has not proven their effectiveness. Sometimes you can buy the powdery core of palm trees in confectionery stores. They contain some kind of ballast substances that are excreted from the body with semen. So they increase their volume.
This mechanism has not been fully investigated, but no one prevents you from testing the miraculous effect of semolina on experience. But keep in mind, the sight of an adult eating semolina harms female libido.
When you can eat: 12 hours before sex.
- For the morning replay
► Eggs, milk
You already know that standard scrambled eggs contain useful vitamin A, iron, and pieces of shell. But now, at ten in the morning, when you suddenly need to have sex again, we are primarily interested in the lecithin contained in the egg yolk. You see, you’ve been a little out of control over the night in sex hormones.
To start the process of their products again, you need fats and lecithin, which will help filter out the good fats from the bad ones and assimilate them as quickly as possible. So, the ideal beginning of exhausting sexual everyday life is an omelet. There are fats (from milk), lecithin, and even a little amino acid in this dish. They will not allow your sleepy and sluggish muscles to get tired too quickly.
When you can eat: 20-30 minutes before sex.
► Sweet pepper, fresh herbs
To prevent some parsley from happening to your delicate equipment, add more fresh greens to the omelet. Cilantro is perfect. Isoflavones and the essential compounds contained in them have an exciting effect on the brain of any man (especially if he is a pervert). Some spices have the same effect. For example, nutmeg and cinnamon, but they will look at least strange in an omelet. And by all means, cover red sweet pepper in your brew. It contains the lycopene you already know for an erection. It wouldn’t prevent.
When you can eat: 30-40 minutes before sex.
► Honey, green tea
Not to bring yourself to dehydration with sex (it’s easier to get it in the morning than in the evening because you didn’t drink all night), but drink more at breakfast. Black tea, unlike regular water or juice, contains a small amount of caffeine, as well as tannin that eliminates bad breath. It is in case you didn’t have time to brush your teeth. Moreover, like any other drink, tea will gurgle funny in the stomach during monotonous gestures, bringing a comic note to sex. And honey is just rich in glucose, which, as you remember, your brain needs during sex.
When you can eat: 15 minutes before sex.
- For libido
► Oysters, asparagus, celery
Well, again — zinc! As now you are not facing the task of increasing semen production, the protein component of the diet is not important. So, instead of mussels and cheese, you can use oysters and asparagus. They do not have many proteins, but the zinc content is simply sky-high.
Such massive injections of metal will help not only to minimize the stress that you have due to various reasons. Zinc is the basic raw material for the production of male hormones, first of all, testosterone. But it forms the sexual response and, consequently, the libido as a whole.
When you can eat: During the week before sex.
► Tabasco sauce, onion
We included this clause to clear our conscience, especially since it would be strange to assume that you have problems with libido after reading (and mainly looking at) this article. Anyway, food can again spur libido. Let’s start, perhaps, with hot chili sauce and onions. Chili has capsaicin, and onion has quercetin.
These substances give the products a sharpness, and they can move you to feats. The mechanism of their action is simple: excreted in the urine, the remnants of burning substances irritate the urethra, similar to sexual. By the way, many demographers associate the love of eastern and southern peoples with the large consumption of spicy food.
When you can eat: 7-8 hours before sex.
► Milk chocolate
It is logical to assume you replace the lack of sex with beer. It is a vicious practice. Beer contains phytoestrogens – plant substances similar in structure to female sex hormones. Another box and you will finally lose your sexuality. If you want to get at least some joy from life, it’s better to chew chocolate.
Cocoa contains the substance theobromine, a powerful alkaloid that enhances sexual arousal. What is especially good about it is its cumulative effect. After a few bars eaten at short intervals, even a banal lesbian orgy can excite you!
When you can eat: During the week before sex.
In modern products, there is extremely insufficient magnesium, known for improving the erectile function of your body. Magnesium chloride (bischofite) will help to replenish the daily recommended dose of 420 mg in ionic form. It is absorbed by the body perfectly.
